“It’s the kind of impossible story that holds a family together. You tell it over and over again; and with the passage of time, the tale becomes more unbelievable and at the same time increasingly difficult to disprove, a myth about the life you carry.”—from “Sagittarius”, Greg Hrbek
Today is another sudden wake up day. The clock is a few minutes shy of six a.m. It was dark. I fumbled, put on more music, turned over and over. Gave up. Where three walls meet, the corner reflected blue. It is a rarity for me. The instances where I watch dawn have always been departing. How Seminary snakes across the traintracks and flats and the pastel ranch houses seem to glow. A bus going all the way from Queensgate to Heathrow, finally, finally, in May, optimism.
When you wake up desperately, does that mean something’s to happen and it hasn’t yet? Or is this just being urgent and manic?
Here’s hoping I can drink all the coffee before anyone else in the house alights.
Straight to Hell Horoscope Wednesday (this may be a theme)
April 20-May 20
Pace yourself, Taurus! You’ll get overwhelmed if you don’t slow down and take each step in. If you stop moving altogether, you’ll cause a pile-up on the road! Make sure you are acting in ways that are self- appropriate. (SFBG)
This is one time when you can be both the river and the bridge. In fact, I strongly suggest that you make every effort to be both the river and the bridge. I’ll leave it up to you to interpret how this metaphor applies to your life, but here’s a clue to get you started. Be a force of nature that flows vigorously along even as you also provide a refuge for those who want to be close to your energy but are not yet ready to be inside it and flow along with it. (Free Will Astrology)
Focus on what you need to feel safe and you’ll find the courage to face whatever challenges your security. Yes, this is a test, and if you’re determined to take life one day at a time, you’ll pass with ease. (Aquarium Age)
Going up and down in the elevator may symbolize going from one state of consciousness to another. Messages from the unconscious may be accessible. Some believe that the elevator may be a symbol of a boring and mechanical sex life. On a more pragmatic note, the elevator may simply represent the “ups and downs” of life. If you are ascending, then you may perceive your current situation as optimistic and moving upward. If you are descending, you may be experiencing some negativity and helplessness.
You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting — over and over announcing your place in the family of things.
I’m tired of aching, the summer’s what you make it. But I’ll believe what I want to believe. - Yo La Tengo.
Christ I’m ansy. March, make it here already. So there’s enough sunlight to keep me occupied, make new words, fill up blank notebooks, shake up the people I know, get me amongst people I don’t. Most things: what you make it. May be time to not hold, just cut bowstrings. I wouldn’t try to register it as loss.
Spend some quality time alone with No. 1 and brainstorm several inspired strategies to solving life’s problems that are outside the box.
Throughout 2010, you’re most likely to be consistently in the right place at the right time if you cultivate an amused skepticism toward what’s in vogue. In fact, I suspect that only one trend will be of any use to you at all. You heard me correctly, Taurus: Of all the fashionable obsessions that may tempt you, just one will be in sweet alignment with your authentic needs. And guess what? Right now happens to be the perfect moment to get hooked up with it.
You may think your situation requires political negotiation, but if you are clear, precise, and direct about your intentions and goals, you’ll bypass intrigue and go directly to success. Be true to yourself and you’ll stay true to your vision.
“I wanted very much to be a person of value and I had to ask myself how this could be possible if there were not something like a soul or like a spirit that is in the life of a person and which could endure any misfortune or disfigurement and yet be no less for it. … Long before morning I knew that what I was seeking to discover as a thing I’d always known. That all courage was a form of constancy. That it was always himself that the coward abandoned first. After this all other betrayals came easily.”—Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses
I’m headed to the hospital/rehab place before work. Mariel instilled my love for this band. We should have seen them. I should have something better to bring her and make her smile instead of me, and there are no guarantees.
Don’t let the daytime get you down, cause we will be wild like children once the black has filled the sky, just you and I misbehaving but tryin’ our best to feel alive, and we won’t ever let them win
It would behoove you, my Bullish friend, to make peace with what you cannot amend. Don’t lament the stuff that is out of your control. You’ll just stress yourself into a manic panic — and that’s just not your color. (SFBG)
In my view, 2010 is the year you should expand your world. That could mean enlarging your circle of allies or building a bigger web of connections. It might mean broadening your appeal or widening your frame of reference or opening your mind to possibilities you’ve been closed to. It may even involve extending your territory or increasing the range of your travels. However you choose to expand, Taurus, I urge you to put love at the heart of your efforts. Love should be the fuel that motivates you and the reference point that ensures you’re always making smart moves. For inspiration, memorize this line by poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning: “I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.” In your case, Taurus, “thee” should mean the whole world. Happy Valentine Daze! (Free Will Astrology)
Graceful interactions with friends and associates not only bolster your spirit, but also inspire a desire to participate in community projects. Think about where your gifts might be best spent and then actualize your inspiration. (Aquarium Age)
Yesterday was loud Aimee Mann after waking up early and optimistic. Release, and singing. The sun was in my window, I promise, and I would not have believed this blizzard nonsense. I wish there was more guitar and contralto in my living spaces more day, and I could sing, and I woke up more days like that. Like that.
so do me a favor, if i waver, be my savior and get out the gun
So I don't have a lot of friends, right? Various reasons for that. Mostly because I'm a boorish, unpersonable lout.
Nevertheless, I often think about making some new ones. You know, so I'm not just sitting alone watching something horrible like Surrogates at 5:15am, which is what I am doing right now.
So what do you say, internet person? You want to do something sometime?
My name is Justin, by the way, in case your parents raised you not to talk to strangers.
This is me circling yes. I’m also terrible at this “FRIENDS” thing (I almost couldn’t spell it). Sorry, I’m a space case flake.
OKAY WE CAN BE FRIENDS. But because I’m self conscious, you should take that picture down of me. Ha. Also: what are your LIKES OR DISLIKES!
All of it has been slightly sad music and waking up earlier than I have in a while, which is good. I fill the hours with puttering back and forth from the kitchen and my bedroom — twenty feet! — and force-soothing the dog and listening to music and barely cooking. Egg in a hole three times this week alone, with hot sauce, and sweet farm ketchup, and sea salt. None of it is writing enough, or reading, even. Hardly can we consider these goals lofty: a library card, my bicycle ready to go by March, my belly at the perfect balance between soft and sucked, baking bread, being involved, talking to my mother, filing taxes.
Something is off amidst the house, too. Arguing and secret resentments and that restless feeling and also jealousy of a small but bay-windowed apartment off Cullerton, a mere six blocks away. I woke up the other day with Sandra Cisneros in my head, saying, “still nobodys mother and still nobodys wife”. I need to leave the linoleum and smoky ceilings more often. I need to think what will happen when this winter passes, the sun comes out, and I forget another winter is coming. My sisterfriend tells me to come to Los Angeles and we’ll drive out to Joshua Tree with sandwiches and tents and cold beer. What pulls inside my torso is muscular, glandular.
Which is all a way to say everything is being kept together, at distance, a stone’s throw, and no tears, even. Yelling, maybe, beer, too many cigarettes. Which is all away to say a kind of an average.
how will you remember me? diggin ditches outta boredom? said you could never leave (now you’re never gonna be here again)
There is no way to go back in time to correct past mistakes, my bully buddy, and creating distractions won’t work either. Rather than obsess on what you can’t control, learn from your troubles by being humble and emotionally checked-in. Pry yourself away from the pity party, pal. (SFBG)
"Whatever shines should be observed," said 19th-century astronomer William Herschel, discoverer of the planet Uranus. He was referring to his specialty, heavenly bodies, but I’d like to expand the meaning for your use. According to my analysis, it has become very important for you to notice, observe, and think about anything that shines. Doing so will tune you in to exactly what you need to know in order to make the best decisions in the coming weeks. (FREE WILL ASTROLOGY)
Appreciation for your efforts at work boosts your confidence. Allow yourself to enjoy your new approval rating and let it restore your commitment to excellence. (Aquarium Age)
You should always look things up in the Urban Dictionary
So many memes, so little time. I actually enjoy this as opposed to finding my “Doppleganger”.
1. an extremely beautiful girl, often a Latina. (WOW!! She’s definitely a Carmen!)
2. A girl that you cant help falling in love with. (matt: who do you like?aiden: carmen Will: obviously)
3. One who dances to old school Will Smith in cars and ghost hunts for fun. All in all, quite quirky with random-ness 24/7.(You are so random! Almost like a Carmen.)
4. Often swooned over by older men, carmens typically have wonderful looks, outgoing and comic peronsalitys, and nice boobs. Obsessed with certain things, mainly specific males, for short period of time. known for mingling with important people, ichatting with sexy boys, and swagging down hallways with class. well known for rockin dance moves. (Older Male: Omg carmens on ichat! Older Males Friend: You know you love her just ask her out! Older Males Other Friend: BACK OFF! carmen is mine!)
5. a very pretty latina. has a nice juicy ass.looks white.very nice and funny.loves her besties! BEACH BUM! (did u see that carmen?)
6.Magical top that only fits true owner (You can try on Carmen but dont expect it to fit! , Its like Carmen- it only fits you!, Carmen is the total opposite of the sisterhoods traveling pants!)
7. Usually has a purse full of bubble gum, candy, and quarter bag of chips. If not fed regularly, curse words will fly. Known for putting her size 10 in anyones ass. Will spend more time smoking at work then doing actual work. (I went out drinking yesterday and got wasted! Now i’m going to pull a Carmen and lie about a kidney infection.)
“Ouch, I have lost myself again. Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found. Yeah, I think that I might break. Lost myself again and I feel unsafe. Be my friend. Hold me, wrap me up. Unfold me, I am small. I need you: warm me up. And breathe me.”—Sia, “Breathe Me”